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If this resonates with you: It’s important to recognize that facing conflict isn’t inherently negative; rather, navigating tough discussions can enhance your relationships. Thus, if something is troubling you—perhaps it’s a friend’s veiled comment or your partner’s disorganization—it is essential to address it.
Learning how to articulate your feelings, even if it may lead to discomfort for another, can be quite daunting. Employing “I” statements is a widely recommended strategy for conveying your thoughts honestly without casting blame or hurting feelings. For instance, you might say, “I felt upset when…,” “I would really value it if…,” or “I need some reassurance that…”
3. You place others’ happiness above your own.
Engaging in people-pleasing can often resemble avoiding conflict, as both approaches stem from a desire to evade drama and discomfort. However, as noted by Larry Schooler, PhD, an assistant professor of communication studies at The University of Texas at Austin, there exists a subtle distinction between these two tendencies.
Dr. Schooler explains, “An avoidant style will refrain from meaningful engagement in discussions about conflict.” For some individuals, it may not be a blanket fear of disagreement; rather, it’s an eagerness to avoid disappointing the other party. For example, if you voice concern over your partner’s flirtations and they react defensively, a person with a more avoidant style might abandon the topic, saying something like, “Forget I mentioned it—it’s fine.” In contrast, you might feel compelled to apologize or retract your statement just to smooth things over. This tendency to prioritize another’s feelings, while well-intentioned, can ultimately prevent you from achieving a mutual resolution. Over time, such behavior may maintain a facade of peace, often at the cost of your own emotional needs.
If this resonates with you: Keep in mind that expressing disagreement does not equate to causing someone to resent you. It’s acceptable to voice your thoughts and feelings, even if the initial act feels challenging, as Dr. Schooler emphasizes.
Additionally, it’s crucial to consider what you’re compromising—and, importantly, the reasons behind those concessions. Are you truly comfortable with your partner communicating with their ex, or are you merely acquiescing out of fear of a breakup? Does it genuinely seem fair to apologize for expressing a legitimate concern, or are you only saying what you anticipate they wish to hear? Engaging in some self-reflection can help you navigate contentious moments while prioritizing your own needs rather than consistently yielding.
4. You bottle up emotions until they overflow.
Initially, you might choose to suppress any irritation or discontent, convincing yourself to remain silent and act as though everything is satisfactory. However, those who bottle up their feelings often experience a gradual buildup of emotions. “They keep quiet, they pacify, they dismiss their feelings,” says Lisa Brateman, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York City and author of What Are We Really Fighting About?. “Then, all of a sudden, they can’t contain it anymore and their emotions erupt.” This sudden outburst—whether it expresses itself through anger or tears—often takes bystanders by surprise, leading to confusion over how you transitioned from calm to an intense reaction so swiftly.
Source
www.self.com