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Conversations about enhancing sexual experiences often revolve around achieving better orgasms and fostering deeper relationships. However, delving into the practical aspects of understanding personal desires can be challenging. In response to this need for clarity, Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, offers guidance, inviting questions from individuals of all genders and orientations. This week, we’re exploring the topic of orgasm control.
Q: “I saw a mention of orgasm control in one of your previous articles and am intrigued. What are the steps to practice it for the first time? Does it differ for men and women? My partner and I are eager to explore it together!”
A: Thank you for your inquiry! Let’s start with the concept of orgasm control. Essentially, it involves managing and delaying the moment of orgasm. This technique typically includes reaching the edge of orgasm, then stopping or reducing stimulation to allow arousal levels to decrease. The process can be repeated multiple times, which can be enjoyable.
Applying orgasm control can extend sexual experiences and introduce elements of power dynamics, where one partner manages the other’s orgasm. It can be practiced individually, known as “edging,” or with a partner for a shared experience.
The Benefits of Orgasm Control
Engaging in orgasm control can lead to several positive outcomes. It often results in more intense orgasms due to the buildup of arousal over time. For those who find their sexual encounters to be short-lived, mastering this technique may offer a solution.
Introducing a trusted partner into the equation allows for an exhilarating experience, particularly when one partner controls the timing of the other’s climax. Before attempting orgasm control, it’s crucial for both partners to openly discuss their boundaries and preferences. Establishing clear communication about what is acceptable for each person will enhance the experience.
How to Practice Orgasm Control
Step 1: Solo Practice
Begin by experimenting alone to understand your body’s signals better. Many people tend to pursue orgasm in a straightforward manner; however, to effectively practice orgasm control, you’ll need to learn to identify when to pause. Recognizing your “point of no return” is essential; this is the moment beyond which orgasm cannot be staved off.
While masturbating, observe the physical cues leading to orgasm, such as increased heart rate or muscle tension. Pause before reaching this point to let your arousal subside, then build back up to the brink and repeat this process to familiarize yourself with your body’s responses.
Step 2: Partner Observation
Once you’re comfortable, try edging in front of your partner to allow them to learn your physical cues. This exercise helps them understand the signs of your approaching climax, making it easier to control stimulation during intimacy. Communication is key; sharing observations will deepen your mutual understanding.
Step 3: Taking Control
Next, take charge of your partner’s orgasm during their solo session. Ask them to notify you when they are nearing orgasm and instruct them to pause when prompted. This practice not only builds anticipation but also enhances the connection between partners.
Step 4: Mutual Control During Intimacy
As you grow more comfortable, incorporate orgasm control during sexual intercourse. Maintain open communication regarding partners’ signals as you stimulate one another while monitoring arousal levels.
Add Elements of Power Play
Once you’ve grasped the fundamental techniques, you can add dynamics of power exchange. Decide beforehand who will take the lead, with the dominant partner instructing the submissive one to refrain from climax until permitted. This can enhance the eroticism of the experience, especially with playful reminders during intimacy.
Exploring Longer Control
For an adventurous twist, consider engaging in an extended control scenario where one partner has authority over the other’s orgasms for a set period. This can create heightened anticipation and excitement.
How to Discuss New Experiences
Introducing new sexual activities can be daunting. “Many individuals struggle to articulate their desires and preferences,” notes Stefani Threadgill, a sex therapist and founder of The Sex Therapy Institute.
To ease this conversation, approach it playfully by sharing what excites you sexually. Discussing preferences and engaging in playful touch can pave the way for talking about new ideas and exploring techniques like edging.
As mentioned by sex coach Amy Levine, fostering candid communication about intimacy can strengthen relationships, enhance pleasure, and create deeper connections. Being direct about your interests can transform the experience, making it more enjoyable for both partners.
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Sources:
Stefani Threadgill, sex therapist, founder of The Sex Therapy Institute
Amy Levine, sex coach, founder of Ignite Your Pleasure
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