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Reflections on a Transformative Retreat in Thailand
After completing my daily sessions with Khun Ken, a healer and massage therapist renowned for his calming presence and skilled hands, I found myself returning to my villa with a mix of emotions. Each session was designed to help unblock my heart chakra, incorporating targeted massages aimed at releasing stagnant energy. However, for the first few days, Khun Ken would kindly inform me that little progress had been made.
By the fifth day, I started to feel restless with the repetitive nature of the retreat. Seeking a shift, I deliberately arrived late for my massage, aiming to disrupt the routine. Yet, the universe remained indifferent to my antics. One might wonder how one could grow tired of daily massages; perhaps it’s a trait inherent to my Cancer zodiac sign. In a moment of frustration, I even feigned illness to escape the session, only for Ken to respond by extending the treatment to include a lengthy facial and upper body massage.
Although I was allowed some communication with the outside world, I felt a significant disconnect, convincing myself that this was necessary for focusing on myself. My phone usage was minimal, save for a brief text to a close friend, expressing my growing dissatisfaction with the monotonous schedule. My friend, however, offered no sympathy, especially after I described one aspect of the retreat: a daily one-hour massage on a pristine beach in Southern Thailand. This stubborn urge to rebel against the routine overshadowed the physical and emotional benefits I was actually experiencing—such as clearer skin and a lighter sense of being.
The structure of the Cleanse Life program made it difficult to voice any complaints about my experience to friends back home.
A Valentine’s Day to Remember
Interestingly, my retreat coincided with Valentine’s Day, a date that affected me more profoundly than expected. With Khun Ken off that day, I found myself consumed by emotions and reached out to my Italian ex, sending a heartfelt apology while tears streamed down my face. Surrounded by couples at the resort sharing intimate moments, I dined on cauliflower “pizza” to the backdrop of nostalgic 90s love songs, which felt far from celebratory. However, this experience provided fresh material to discuss with Khun Ken in our following session. “Do you ever feel anger?” I inquired. His answer was sincere, as he explained that he sometimes found solace by hugging trees, leaving me torn between amusement and the urge to try it myself.
While I adhered to my dietary guidelines throughout most of the retreat, I did manage to break away one evening for dinner at Seasons, the resort’s fine-dining establishment boasting an entirely vegan menu. Eagerly anticipating this culinary experience, I was delighted to be served har gao—steamed dumplings made with spirulina and local tofu, complemented with sea grapes and a coconut cider vinegar dipping sauce. The eight-course meal was a gastronomical delight, making the next day’s routine feel a bit more bearable.
Finding Clarity on the Last Day
On my final day, I took a moment to sit on the beach, watching the rhythmic waves as they crashed onto the shore. There was a palpable lightness in my heart and a soothing quietness in my mind. Despite the focus on diet and daily massages, the true cleanse I experienced was not solely a physical detox; it was an emotional release that allowed me to confront my own barriers. I recognized that if I didn’t prioritize self-care, I would remain ensnared in a cycle of emotional turmoil. While I hadn’t found a complete resolution, I was closer to understanding and healing than I had ever been before.
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