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Summary:
The phrase “fake news” has become a common descriptor in today’s discourse, yet it is essential to appreciate that gossip often embodies a personal version of this phenomenon, frequently distorting truth.
For those seeking to overcome the tendency to gossip, cultivating an awareness of both speaking and listening habits is essential.
Through a short audio meditation, individuals can practice transforming the impulse to engage in gossip into a mindset of gratitude and appreciation.
In the current political landscape, the divide we see extends beyond mere policy disagreements; we find ourselves clashing over differing realities. This disconnect is not a recent occurrence.
In 1922, philosopher Walter Lippmann characterized the human experience in modern settings as one where individuals inhabit “pseudo-environments”—distinct mental frameworks that shape our values and beliefs. He noted that while people coexist in the same physical environment, their perceptions and emotions diverge significantly.
Fast forward over a century, and we are witnessing unprecedented levels of polarization. The rise of 24-hour news cycles, social media platforms, and an ever-fractured media landscape allows individuals to curate their news and social interactions, reinforcing existing beliefs while shielding themselves from dissenting views. Furthermore, the proliferation of intentionally fabricated news creates an additional layer of division.
This leads us to the ubiquitous term, “fake news.” Anything that contradicts our personal belief systems is often deemed false, while actual fabricated stories circulate widely, contributing to a chaotic information environment.
A critical dialogue is necessary around reforming media and political institutions to address these significant challenges.
Gossip typically lacks factual grounding; instead, it often stems from the narratives we construct in our minds regarding others.
While many individuals intentionally disseminate “fake news,” it’s equally vital to reflect on how we might inadvertently propagate this issue in our daily lives.
Gossip—the everyday practice of discussing others behind their backs—often lacks verification and instead conveys the narratives created in our imaginations about other people.
What is Gossip?
Gossip can be characterized in various ways. According to Webster’s dictionary, it is defined as “rumor or report of an intimate nature.” In the work The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, gossip is described as any statement about another that the speaker would not feel comfortable sharing if that person were present.
This definition highlights the situational aspect of gossip. For instance, if I tell my colleague Gena that “Dave’s feedback on my presentation was quite harsh,” whether it qualifies as gossip depends on whether I would communicate the same sentiment to Dave. If I don’t share it directly with him, it becomes gossip; if I do, it is not.
Bringing awareness to our gossiping habits is important. Despite its often entertaining nature, discussing the shortcomings of public figures or acquaintances serves to reinforce the need for mindfulness in our speech.
Firstly, gossip frequently emerges from the narratives we maintain about ourselves and others, which may not reflect reality. Refraining from gossip can thus contribute to reducing the circulation of “fake news.”
Secondly, gossip can subtly breach ethical standards. Philosopher Immanuel Kant argued that by gossiping, we treat individuals as a means to fulfill our own desires for entertainment or superiority. Sharing embarrassing stories about others may elicit laughter or validate our egos at their expense.
Although it may provide immediate satisfaction, the aftermath often leads to feelings of guilt for the gossiper and mistrust among those who are aware of it. Listeners may ponder, “If they speak about others like this, how do they speak about me?”
To illustrate, try this: the next time you share a compelling negative story about someone with a friend or colleague, reflect on how it affects your perception of trust and your relationship.
2 Key Ways to Shift the Habit of Gossiping
So, how can we cultivate awareness of our gossiping behavior? Mindfulness is key—developing the ability to Notice-Shift-Rewire every time we feel inclined to gossip or when others initiate gossip. This awareness encompasses both our speech and our listening habits.
1) Awareness of Speech
The initial step is to Notice the desire to speak negatively about someone—be it a friend, colleague, or public figure. When you feel this compulsion, tune into your body’s physical response to the urge. This sensation often accompanies a desire to gossip—similar to the pleasure derived from reading gossip column headlines.
Recognizing this impulse allows for a Shift. Instead of saying something potentially harmful, you might choose to say nothing at all or reframe your thoughts in a way that you would feel comfortable sharing in the presence of the individual being discussed.
Alternatively, you might still share gossip but do so consciously—understanding the implications and choosing words carefully. In some cases, sharing information about others can foster connections and trust, particularly within intimate relationships. The aim might not be to eliminate gossip entirely but to enhance awareness surrounding it.
The ultimate objective is to Rewire how you engage with this common habit by valuably recognizing its role in your conversations.
2) Awareness of Listening
Even if you choose to refrain from gossiping, you will likely encounter it in discussions with peers or family. Cultivating awareness while listening involves recognizing instances of gossip during these interactions.
When faced with gossip from others, an important question arises: how should one respond? The authors of The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership describe this as akin to a game of ping-pong: the speaker and listener each hold a paddle, and if the listener chooses to disengage, the conversation effectively ends.
This approach often requires compassion and finesse—to avoid shaming the other person while redirecting the conversation. This might entail introducing a positive comment, changing the subject, or directly requesting a gossip-free dialogue.
A 10-Minute Practice on Gossip Awareness
To get started, find a comfortable seated position. Sit up straight, close your eyes, and allow yourself to relax. Feel how the chair supports you and how your feet connect with the floor. Pay attention to the rhythm of your breath without trying to control it. The intention is to become aware of the impact gossip has on us.
As you delve into relaxation, reflect on a past moment. Recall a situation where you were privy to gossip about a friend, a colleague, or even when you might have shared gossip yourself. It might not be the proudest moment, but we all have those instances that create curiosity or excitement.
Observe any emotions or sensations as you revisit that memory. You might feel a mix of excitement, shame, or anxiety.
Next, imagine revisiting that moment but with a change of perspective. Instead of sharing gossip, consider expressing gratitude for the person involved. Reflect on what you might say to acknowledge the positive attributes of this individual.
Imagine replacing gossip with appreciation. For instance, you might say, I admire Hank for his punctuality and engaging contributions. Or, I’m grateful to my mother-in-law for her efforts to unite our family.
Take a moment to notice how this change affects your emotions. Examine the distinctions between the feelings stirred by gossip and those ignited by gratitude. Aim to retain this awareness as you navigate your daily interactions and observe your tendencies toward gossip.
As you wrap up this practice, take several deep breaths. Focus on the sensations of your breath and when you feel ready, gently open your eyes. Carry the spirit of gratitude with you to infuse your day.
The 24-Hour Gossip Challenge:
To gain insight into this habit, challenge yourself to be observant of gossip over the next 24 hours. Pay close attention to your own speech and that of those around you. Strive to avoid gossip altogether for a day.
You may discover that avoiding gossip is a formidable challenge. However, this isn’t the ultimate goal. The true objective is to foster awareness of your tendencies and recognize how you contribute to the gossip cycle. This increased mindfulness can bring compassion and attention into your everyday interactions.
Feel free to share your observations in the comments below.
This content was originally published on Mindful.org in March 2018.
Source
www.mindful.org