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Having a stable home and land without financial strain offers a unique perspective on the challenges many face today. While I am in my 30s and feel a sense of security, I frequently hear from friends who grapple with financial instability and stress.
I’ve extended my home as a refuge, allowing friends to stay without rent to help them save for their own places. My offer includes the option of placing a mobile home on my land, yet I still feel my support may not be making the impact I’d hoped.
Understanding the reluctance to ask for help is crucial. The societal stigma surrounding needing assistance can complicate friendships, making it difficult for individuals to reach out for support.
During a recent power outage caused by Storm Éowyn, I depended on a neighbor with solar panels, which was uncomfortable. Even though they were kind, needing help is often a source of stress and discomfort.
I wonder how I can share my advantages and ease my friends’ burdens without making them feel ashamed of their situations.
Your desire to assist your friends is commendable; however, they may prioritize their personal achievements over the pitfalls of asking for aid. They could be more focused on self-sufficiency than feeling ashamed.
To gain insight, I consulted psychotherapist Chris Mills regarding your feelings. “Your intention to offer support is admirable. It’s understandable to feel you’re not making a difference if your offers aren’t being fully accepted.”
Mills suggested your friends might appreciate the camaraderie found among peers facing similar challenges. Your generous offers could be seen as an escape rather than genuine support.
People generally seek to demonstrate their own capabilities, striving for personal fulfillment. Consider whether you feel guilt about your assets. Did you achieve them solely through effort, or were there fortunate breaks along the way? This may affect your desire to share those resources.
Mills also expressed that simply being a supportive listener could be beneficial for your friends. They might feel more comfortable sharing their strains with you, given your distinct situation from theirs.
As time passes, your friends may find their footing or address their pressures, while you maintain a stable environment. Remember that some may have valid reasons for declining your generous offers, whether due to location or personal circumstances.
Offers can feel overwhelming if they lack a definitive timeframe. Instead, inviting them for a set period, such as a two-week stay, might feel less daunting.
Mills recommended considering visiting your friends at their homes rather than waiting for them to come to you. Offering assistance during your visit could be significantly supportive.
It’s also essential to communicate openly with them to inquire about the type of assistance they genuinely need. Your intentions, no matter how well-meaning, might not align with their actual needs.
Source
www.theguardian.com