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Parenting often presents situations where comforting words seem essential, especially when a child faces an emotional setback, like falling down or having a disagreement. Many parents instinctively respond with “You’re okay.”
Although this response may appear soothing, it can hinder emotional development. As a conscious parenting coach focused on children’s emotional well-being, I’ve observed that this common phrase can have unintended consequences, affecting children’s emotional health more than many realize.
The phrase “You’re okay” can be deceptively harmful. Here’s a breakdown of why this wording can be detrimental and suggestions for more constructive alternatives:
1. Doubting Emotions
When children hear “you’re okay” in moments of distress, it sends a mixed message: The feelings I’m experiencing aren’t valid. Over time, this can lead to a disconnect from their emotional experiences, fostering doubt about their feelings.
2. Invalidating Experiences
This expression, offered with good intentions, implies to the child that their emotions are unimportant. Such subtle dismissal teaches that emotional support is conditional upon being calm and collected, paving the way for emotional suppression.
3. Disrupting Emotional Processing
Emotions require space to be processed naturally. When reassurance comes too soon, it interrupts this process, preventing children from recognizing, articulating, and managing their feelings. Instead of fostering resilience, it can encourage avoidance of emotional experiences.
4. Conditional Love
Expressions like “you’re okay” or “don’t cry” can unconsciously teach children that emotional expressions lead to disapproval. This can create a perception where love feels conditional, undermining their emotional safety—an essential element for mental health.
5. Rewiring the Stress Response
Repeated experiences shape a child’s nervous system. Responding to distress with dismissal can condition them to feel unsafe when expressing emotions. This can alter their stress response, making it challenging to feel secure and trusted during vulnerable moments.
Alternative Phrases to Consider
Instead of an attempt to fix the situation, children require validation of their feelings, and reassurance that it’s safe for them to express those feelings, especially in your presence.
Here are meaningful alternatives that can affirm their emotional realities:
- “I believe you.”
- “Your feelings are valid.”
- “I’m here with you.”
- “It’s okay to feel upset right now.”
- “I saw what happened. How are you feeling?”
These supportive statements foster emotional resilience, helping children understand: My feelings are important. I can rely on myself. I’m not alone in this.
Adjusting to these new responses takes practice. It’s natural to sometimes revert to saying “you’re okay,” and that’s perfectly fine. Striving for conscious parenting involves recognizing our habitual responses and actively choosing to foster emotional safety instead.
Though these interactions may seem minor, they play a crucial role in establishing a child’s emotional foundation. In a time when anxiety and disconnection are prevalent, creating emotional safety is vital for protecting our children’s mental health, one moment at a time.
Reem Raouda is recognized for her contributions to conscious parenting. She has also developed FOUNDATIONS, a healing journal aimed at parents wishing to break generational cycles and nurture emotional safety for their children. To follow her insights, visit her on Instagram.
Source
www.cnbc.com