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Reflections on Trans Narratives and the Complexity of Identity

During a conversation with Torrey Peters over dinner last year, she remarked that my approach to writing about trans experiences often seems to both engage with and evade the topic. This statement resonated with me as I’ve observed a common pattern in many trans memoirs and accounts of sexual assault, where there is usually a clear point of fracture followed by a transformation. In my case, however, I didn’t perceive my journey as being marked by a stark transition or a crisis that led to reconstruction. My sense of girlhood felt intrinsically valid, even as I encountered sexual violence prior to grappling with my own sexual identity. For me, sexual violence was intertwined with my understanding of sexuality itself.

The conventional narrative arc in a rape memoir typically follows a structure of: Experiencing a fulfilling life until a traumatic event shatters my existence, plunging me into despair, followed by a rebirth into a stronger self. Yet, my encounters with sexual violence shaped my identity from the beginning, complicating my ability to reflect on those experiences with clarity and honesty.

Self-Care During the Creative Process

While promoting my book, I found it disconcerting how often discussions revolved around the intellectual aspects of the work. Most interviewers approached it as a narrative structure to dissect. In contrast, my conversation with Rayne Fisher-Quann was refreshing because she focused on the physical and emotional realities represented in the text. It’s vital for me to highlight that, although writing a book is certainly an intellectual and aesthetic pursuit, it also recounts real events that occurred to my body.

Therapeutic Foundations for Writing

As for how I cared for myself throughout the writing journey, there isn’t a simple answer. I sought therapy, which became invaluable during this time. After being uninsured for a decade, I finally secured health insurance and joined a waitlist for therapy in 2022, where I began consultations for surgery as well. This lengthy wait culminated in October 2023, coinciding with the beginning of an intensive writing phase. At that point, I started attending weekly therapy sessions, which I believe were essential for the completion of this book. The support and insight gained from therapy enabled me to articulate my experiences more fully and authentically.

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