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For individuals who identify as type-A personalities, perfectionists, or people pleasers, the pressure to succeed can often lead to feelings of overwhelm. When setbacks occur, such as making mistakes or failing to meet expectations, it is common to become self-critical, resulting in a cycle of distress that may spill over into interactions with others. This phenomenon has been described by Dan Harris, former ABC News anchor and co-founder of the Ten Percent Happier meditation app, as the ‘toilet vortex’ in his popular TED Talk. Fortunately, there is an alternative path. Cultivating self-compassion—referred to as the ‘cheesy upward spiral’—is essential for personal growth and emotional wellbeing.
Experiencing professional hurdles, such as receiving a rejection letter, missing out on promotion opportunities, or trying to juggle work-life balance, can heighten stress and anxiety, potentially leading to deeper emotional issues like depression. In contrast, studies have shown that practicing self-compassion can help individuals enhance their resilience and maintain motivation through challenging times.
Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power Of Being Kind To Yourself,” emphasizes, “With self-compassion, we mindfully accept that the moment is painful and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response. This awareness helps remind us that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.” By offering ourselves the support needed during difficult moments, we create the best environment for growth and transformation.
Despite its benefits, many have internalized the perception that practices like meditation or self-compassion are frivolous or even embarrassing, cultivating a societal trend of dismissing these concepts. As highlighted in the recurring “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley” sketches on Saturday Night Live, such sentiments are often at odds with the value of emotional intelligence.
Harris himself has shared that he initially viewed meditation as absurd, influenced by his upbringing in a scientific household. He describes his earlier skepticism: “I was a fidgety, skeptical guy, and I unfairly lumped meditation in with other quirky practices. However, I found that meditation significantly alleviated my anxiety and depression.”
The process of fostering self-compassion doesn’t necessitate grand gestures or extensive time commitments; it can begin with something as simple as speaking to oneself kindly. Harris encourages this practice, while Neff provides excellent guidance for an exercise designed to help individuals implement this concept effectively.
Imagine facing a situation, such as a job interview, where nerves lead to forgetting a common acronym, prompting you to ask the interviewer for clarification. Afterward, you might berate yourself for feeling embarrassed. However, if a friend experienced the same situation, your response would likely be supportive: “Is it awkward? Sure! But don’t worry; we all have moments like this.”
This reaction exemplifies one of the three elements of self-compassion: common humanity. Embracing the idea that suffering is a universal experience can foster greater empathy towards oneself. The other two elements are self-kindness (as opposed to self-judgment) and mindfulness (as opposed to overidentifying).
While developing these elements of self-compassion may require time and practice, both Neff and Harris assert the value of this effort. Individuals who embrace self-compassion not only manage setbacks more effectively but also tend to recover more quickly, ultimately improving their performance in both personal and professional realms.
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www.higheredjobs.com