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Exploring Grief and Growth in “How to Lose Your Mother”
In her poignant work How to Lose Your Mother, journalist Molly Jong-Fast reflects on her experience caring for her mother, acclaimed novelist Erica Jong, as she battles dementia.
Recognizing the Need to Share Her Story
What prompted you to write about such a challenging chapter in your life?
Jong-Fast considered writing a book amid publisher interest, but she felt hesitant to produce something superficial. An initial proposal for a book regarding how women responded to Donald Trump did not resonate with her. However, when her mother’s dementia began to unfold, she realized she wanted to document this painful journey instead. Not long after that, she faced another devastating turn when her husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. During this tumultuous period, she found herself on the way to a television appearance, overwhelmed with emotion, but also driven to articulate her experience. Jong-Fast expresses skepticism about writing as a form of therapy, noting that many such works lack depth, yet she felt compelled to write as a means to navigate her turmoil.
A Complex Relationship with Her Mother
Can you share a cherished memory of your mother?
Jong-Fast reminisces about their travels, particularly to Italy, where her mother, celebrated for her writing, was treated like a celebrity. Despite Erica Jong’s self-absorbed nature and fixation on fame, there was a warmth in her interactions, as she would engage warmly with locals, such as taxi drivers, showcasing her ability to connect despite her celebrity status.
Self-Discovery Through Writing
What insights did you gain about yourself during this writing process?
Through crafting her narrative, Jong-Fast discovered a strong sense of stability within herself. She attributes her resilience, in part, to her long-term sobriety, which has helped her navigate challenges. However, she acknowledges unresolved issues from her childhood that contribute to feelings of entitlement, suggesting that elements of her past continue to influence her present.
Hope Amidst Struggles
What message do you want readers to take from your book?
Jong-Fast aims to convey that it is possible to endure and overcome difficult times. She emphasizes the importance of managing life’s struggles by keeping challenges small and manageable. By providing perspective, she reassures her readers that many have faced greater hardships, including survival through war and genocide. With a focus on resilience, she hopes to inspire others, suggesting that even amidst life’s darkest moments, simple acts like enjoying ice cream or getting a good night’s sleep can bring renewed hope for the days to come.
A version of this article appeared in the 04/14/2025 issue of Publishers Weekly under the headline: Molly Jong-Fast
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