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Fear of making regrettable decisions is widespread, yet many still find themselves choosing poorly. As a decision coach, my job is to guide clients through crucial decisions, whether they are substantial life changes or smaller choices. I’ve assisted over 500 individuals in navigating pivotal moments, such as career shifts, marriage proposals, family planning, and more.
During these sessions, I listen as clients share their dilemmas, and together we analyze all potential options, ultimately selecting the most fitting path. A recurring theme I’ve observed is a specific mistake that often leads to significant regret.
The Major Mistake Leading to Regret
Many individuals accept promotions despite lacking skills in managing people, relocate to cities they dislike, or pursue academic paths that inflict stress and unhappiness. These decisions often stem from an aspiration to be someone they are not, rather than embracing their true selves.
This phenomenon also explains why New Year’s resolutions frequently fail; they are often based on an idealized version of oneself. When the new year arrives and old habits persist, disappointment sets in, creating a cycle of unmet expectations.
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While transformation is possible, significant personal change takes time. When faced with urgent decisions, it’s vital to ground them in your current reality, rather than who you wish to become.
Identifying Red Flag Phrases
To determine if a decision is influenced by your aspirational self, pay attention to certain phrases that signal misalignment with your true identity. Examples include:
- “I should…”
- “Well, I could…”
- “Maybe if I…”
- “I could try to…”
- “If I can just…”
For instance, you might say, “If I can just sleep earlier, I’ll rise at 6 a.m. to write before my day starts.” However, reflecting on past behaviors may reveal that consistency has been lacking.
This same pattern manifests in more consequential decisions, such as relocating for a job or choosing a challenging academic route despite discomfort, illustrating how these phrases often indicate an attempt to reconfigure one’s personality.
Deciding Based on Your True Self
Transformation does not happen overnight, and those who expect quick change often face regret. Instead, I advise clients to carefully consider and document their values—this is critical. Values should encompass not only broad concepts like “integrity” but also the specific aspects that bring joy daily.
For instance, personal values could include:
- Feeling accomplished at work
- Spending time with pets
- Engaging in outdoor activities
Recognizing these insights about yourself is essential. Make choices that resonate with who you currently are—consider your preferences, energy levels, focus, and lifestyle. This approach greatly increases the likelihood of success and reduces the chances of regret.
Nell Wulfhart has been guiding individuals through important decisions since 2013, including politicians, executives, and students. Her coaching sessions can be accessed on her podcast, The Decision Coach. Discover more about her services at decisioncoach.com.
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